Don't leave it too late

This post has not a thing to do with preparing or storing or regrouping or anything so related.

Lately I have been trying to wade through the paperwork left from being the executrix for my aunt when she passed away in 1997.

My older brother would no doubt have me hold onto this stuff until it became someone else's job to get rid of it.  I would rather take a chance that the government is going to ask me a question after 20 years than leave yet another pile of paperwork for the "next guy" to get rid of.

It's funny the feelings that float to the surface as all these papers flow through my hands and, mostly, into the shredder.

Death certificates - when a person dies it seems as if not only do you have to deal with the grief and loss but you have to continually reinforce it by providing copies of the death certificate to every real and potential municipal or court official who, no matter how remotely involved, needs "proof" that this happened.  Who the hell would lie about something so painful?

Wills and Trusts and Other Important Documents  -  who knew that you had to have about a zillion copies of all of them.  Mostly attested to by various Notaries and Officials and Other Important People.  But all Very Important Paperwork that must be kept.

Lawyers communications - I have to admit that I suspect (although we had a wonderful lawyer whom I trusted implicitly) that on the surface it could be said to appear that they were trying to get paid either by the word or by the memo or, even, by the letter?  Many many discussions of something that was apparently so simple:  someone died - and that someone wanted their "stuff" distributed thus. Seems simple, right?  Not when you mix in the banks and the courts and even the lawyers!

I'm saving a few of the papers I've found.  A kind note from my cousin, another thoughtful one from the woman who cat sat for my aunt and the handwritten note from my aunt describing what she would like (or not like) as a memorial service.

I'm going to quote it here because it was just "so her" - pragmatic and practical to the end and not given to any sort of breast beating or morbid fancies.

"Please, no funeral or committal services and, if at all possible, send body directly from hospital (or wherever) to crematory.

Instead, hire a caterer and hold a buffet luncheon for anyone who wants to come and sign a book -  if that will make anyone feel better.  Then throw the book into the Atlantic along w/the ashes or throw ashes around back yard!"

And,mostly, that is exactly what we did.  Family and old friends together in her living room sharing stories and looking through old albums and laughing about some of the wonderful trips she took.

I plead the fifth on not doing exactly as she wished with her ashes but otherwise we toed the mark to a T.

My point - which as usual I took a long time getting to - is don't wait until you are the one wading through the debris of a loved one's life to tell them how loved they are.  My aunt was truly my best friend and my mentor and I go not a day without wishing I could see her again.  But to say "I love you" to her would have stepped so far out of our character (damn Yankees!) that it just never happened.

Don't be that guy - now is the time to tell the ones you love so you aren't wading through all that stuff and wishing that you had!